At last I've found you again! Times have been a bit tumultuous of late what with getting paired with a suitable laptop, trying to figure out how to help one friend down on her luck, and struggling to be of moral support for another.
The one down on her luck has nearly reached the end of her rope...no...no...she HAS reached it's end. Her last employment was somewhere around four years ago and with no family support, church assistance or government help, she is at the mercy of the elements and whomever may determine she is worthy of attention.
She lives in an aging wreck of a trailer / mobile home. It has holes so huge her southwestern Missouri winter heating bill was well over $600.00 a month! For one with no income or means of support, little wonder they shut her off - along with her phone. I think she still has some electricity, now and again. And she has yet to explain to me how her lot rent is handled.
Her older sister is doing well with a nice house paid for and a live-in meal ticket taking care of the bills there. This sister has no use for or inclination to help her sibling. Instead she threatens her with lawsuits, accusing the younger of stealing from their late father's estate. Should there ever be a lawsuit, and should the elder "win" it - she would walk away empty-handed as my friend has absolutely no possessions anyone in their right mind would covet.
My friend at least does have a Tracfone I gave her. The minutes I bought her have long ago run out, but she told me her niece buys those for her now. That is how she keeps in touch and lets me know about the opossum who keeps house somewhere inside the tiny part of the trailer in which she lives. She has a neighbor who captures it and lets it go, evidently not far enough away, because it keeps returning.
Health problems have plagued her for a number of years, but when she was laid off with no health insurance, the conditions worsened. The closest free clinic is about fifty miles away - so there is the little matter of gas and upkeep for her car. Once she manages to get there, they can only help her minimally as they have limited medications to give her for her high blood pressure, fibromyalgia, and diabetes.
And now the car is uninsured. She reached out to me to pay it for her, sending me the company's phone number so I could give them my credit card information. The policy would expire in two more days. I felt a little taken aback that she would send me that responsibility, assuming that was the way to handle it. I asked her what was the premium amount. Her response floored me inasmuch as it was more than double what I pay for two vehicles combined. She gave me the cold shoulder for several weeks after I declined her offer. I reasoned that I couldn't justify paying so much more for her insurance when I didn't pay that for my own. I felt bad for her, but I have helped whenever I could with cash, a phone and minutes, a rolling walker with a seat, jars of vitamins, and footing all the bills for food, entertainment and motel nights when I go to visit her - many hundreds of miles away.
Oh yes, motel stays. I am more than happy to get a room that can accommodate her for a few decent night's sleep. "The tiny part of the trailer" I mentioned earlier, is on her I'm afraid. It seems she is a hoarder. The argument can definitely be made that "hoarding" is an illness or unavoidable dysfunction on some level. It can also be argued that this affliction really should be discerned and arrestable at an early enough stage to not allow it to become insanely out of control. That discussion doesn't matter at this point. For her, it is out of control.
During none of my visits has she ever allowed me in to her trailer - even years ago when I delivered the desktop computer and television I'd given her. She had a neighbor who help her with those. I was to just leave them outside. The stories shared about these living quarters, are disturbing.
Relieved to be able to stretch out in all directions on her very own motel room queen-sized bed, the picture was painted for me of her home sleeping quarters. She is able to access the bedroom, although it is only a narrow path from the door, through a corridor of stuff and onto a narrow 'V' shaped channel created from the stuff stacked up on either side of her bed. Being very careful, she plants herself where she will be most comfy - all night. There is no rolling or turning because the stacks have been known to avalanche on top of her. I guess she has enough foresight to not put anything too heavy or suffocating above her recumbent body level.
Once when she lost power to one of the few outlets she still has available, a friend tried to track down and repair the problem. One of the marvels he encountered was buried, deeply and tightly packed in the midst of a room full of clothes, newspapers, and assorted nic nacs and refuse. The sight he beheld was frightening; he had unearthed an extension cord plugged in to another extention cord that had caught fire. All around the offending over-plugged area was melted, blackened, and charred from the flames. However, the outbreak was quickly squelched as it was buried so deep, it was cut off from an adequate oxygen supply to satisfy its terrible hunger. It was started in, and snuffed out by, a vast spread of compacted junk and refuse.
My friend's matter-of-fact relating of this tale was capped off with the firmly believed justification for her trailer full of crap, "It was lucky there was all that junk all around it-or it could have burned the whole place down."
I inhaled, blinked quickly in some kind of attempt to fan the thoughts running through my head... and simply had no words.
I truly do feel for her. I suggested a couple years ago that she apply for disability because she simply cannot conjure the energy levels it takes to bear up under a steady day-long deluge of work. She wasn't terribly far from retirement age at that time. After a few years on disability, she could just transition to Social Security. She has been a hard worker all her life and if she was just worn out, she should accept help.
At that time, she refused to listen to such talk. Insisting she just needed a job to get going again, she would be fine. If I helped her out with a fist of cash or a check sent now and then, it was just a loan giving her a leg up.
I have always known there was no "loan" about it. She will never be able to repay me in money. I just pray, that since she has at last applied for disability, it will come through soon and maybe her load can be lifted a little.
To see her living in some sort of assisted living situation, out of that 'condemnation decree' waiting to happen, would be all the repayment I could ever want.
Her situation is much more desperate on a life-and-death level than the object of my 'moral support' mentioned in the beginning...more on that one later.
